Restoring the Intimacy, Quick!

Da Piku - that's the Chinese phrase we use in our house for getting a spanking. Our son just slapped my husband in the face and got a good da piku in response. As our son reacted, I commented quietly,

"He didn't like how you were playing with him!

He was defending himself."

Even as the words come out of my mouth, I realize yet again that I've just gotten in the middle of something that has nothing to do with me.

I've just disrespected my husband by not trusting him to take responsibility for the relationship he has with our son and for his own actions. Instead, I've stepped in as if I were my husband's mother and reprimanded him.

My husband slinks off to go play video games, and I'm left with the mess. I feel like I've lost my dignity AND the intimacy between us was lost as well.

When events like this used to happen in the past, before I met Laura, I would be baffled! What to do?! Set ultimatums? Try harder to control?!

These days, I see clearly all my choices and their outcomes. It's such a relief to have the Intimacy Skills in my back pocket!

What I want most these days is what I've created: a happy, healthy marriage and family dynamic that has me filled to overflowing! Help, attention, time, affection from my husband towards me AND the kids.

How did I create that?

Apologizing for being disrepectful.

While it still bites while I utter it, saying, "I apologize for being disrespectful when I commented on your parenting" restores my side of the street and makes me feel dignified.

It recognizes publicly to my husband that my actions felt a little icky, and I'm not okay with that anymore.

My husband always told me he wanted respect more than anything, and in the bad old days I considered him a narcissist for having such outdated ideas.

But back then I didn't enjoy all the benefits of intimacy and connection that come so easily today.

SO, while apologies for disrespect are still a little gravelly in my mouth, I'm grateful for them!

Have you experimented with this skill to restore the intimacy?

What has it been like?